"Maybe a slower paced intro? Slower transition on 'holding hands'? Maybe better to be more linear - stick inside house for a while; you jump back and forth. Maybe hold off on band footage til later (and make sure its all of the right band)
Black screen 0:48 in?
Shots of parents arguing not quite working; if at all, perhaps use as an overlay, or with another shot overlaid on these
about 2:45 in the eviction notice suddenly goes v bright. On screen too long - we don't want the detail about '5 years' - she's too young/risks confusing the aud
cuts out at 3:00; still with ropey audio track!
FX of burning photo now much more effective
main issue Chris is pacing; you need to think of the track as a whole and vary/fit your pace accordingly, as Carol Vernalis suggests the best vid directors do. Ironically, you've maybe gotten rid of too many shots from earlier cuts? Only 1 shot of the bridge now?! (maybe thats in missing section?) Also think about the issue of linear v non-linear"
How I will respond to this Audience Feedback?
- Make the begining slower paced
- Slow down the holding hands shot
- Overlay the argument shot
- Vary the pace better
- Get some shots back from earlier rough cuts
- Change the eviction notice